OF DOCTORS, DOGS AND DINOSAURS
by deetatarant
Summary: Jack's been a bit naughty again.


**OF DOGS, DOCTORS AND DINOSAURS**

Doctor Owen Harper was a cynical man at best, at worst down right pessimistic and sarcastic with it; so when Ianto called in sick that morning, for the first time ever, the first thing he said was.

"What? Jack shagged you to death did he?"

Ianto had hung up at that point and somewhat disgruntled Owen called him straight back. No one could sulk like Ianto...

"Come on Tea Boy I was joking, you never take a sickie!"

So in embarrassed tones Ianto explained his predicament. In fairness to Owen it was a full minute before he started to laugh down the phone.

"Ok, mate don't worry. Drink plenty of fluids and take some asprin and I'll go and bollock Jack for you." Owen hung up and grinned at Martha Jones, his dead eyes never more alive.

"Is Ianto alright?"

Owen nodded. "He's hung over. Jack apparently got him to try some alien sex drug last night, something from his own time....Good time guaranteed for all round hard core fun...apparently. Ianto's had an ice pack down his pants for the last three hours and he is not happy."

Martha's hand went straight to her mouth as she mouthed a surprised 'No?!' before sniggering.

"The trouble is Jack being Jack only told Ianto what it was after he'd given him the drug."

"So where's Jack?"

Owen shrugged. "Good question. Bloody Harkness. I can't help but feel sorry for Ianto sometimes, Jack's dabbling gets that boy into all kinds of trouble."

At that Martha burst out into hysterics. "Do you all use that word?"

"Yep, especially where Jack is concerned." Owen shuddered at the thought. "Ugh, just doesn't bare thinking about really. Right then I guess I have a dinosaur to feed!"

Owen climbed the steps out of the autopsy bay and walked straight into Jack who was talking to Gwen. A naughty smile spread across Owen's face.

"Your lover boy has just called in sick."

Jack straightened up and looked rather shocked. "What? Is he ok?"

Owen folded his arms across his chest and tried to look very stern. Martha was at his shoulder, a similar look on her face.

"Well, no obviously. Otherwise he would be here. Something about a 51st century aphrodisiac? I think he's got the hard from Hell."

Gwen spat out her coffee all over her keyboard. Jack was just grinning from ear to ear, remembering just how hard Ianto had been the previous night. Owen however was still trying to look very unimpressed.

"Protocols Jack...You know alien substances need to be tested out in controlled environments. Now Ianto whilst being your doting test subject, should really have been experimented on in the Hub, under observation so that the results could be fully recorded!"

Gwen's eyes went saucer wide and Jack was just smiling like the fattest Cheshire cat in Wales.

"Well I'll be sure to follow procedure next time."

Owen nodded. "Oh and Jack. I wouldn't go visiting Ianto for a couple of days if I were you."

Myfanwy was very confused when the skinny pet came and gave her fish, she much preferred the other one with the sweet stuff she always got with her salmon. Though the skinny one did give her beak a nice rub before he went away.

The following morning Ianto stepped in through the roller door, looking rather more pale than usual and walking somewhat awkwardly. All eyes were upon him. Martha, Gwen and Tosh bestowed sympathetic smiles upon him and Owen threw him a dirty, knowing grin as Ianto made his way to the kitchen area to brew some much needed coffee. Ianto was setting the mugs out on the tray when he felt two strong arms snake around his waist and warm breath at his left ear.

"I'm not talking to you."

"How'd you know it was me?" Jack's whispering in his ear was just too damn sexy for words, but Ianto was still in pain, even if he was back down to his normal size when not turned on. And right now he definite wasn't....even slightly.

"Go away Jack." His tone was resolute. "Not only will you never taste real coffee again, if you want to ever have a friend called Ianto that might actually speak to you, get a dog."

Jack nuzzled at his neck, not even slightly deterred. "A dog?"

Ianto nodded. Jack smiled into Ianto's skin and kissed at the warm flesh under his lips. Ianto shivered. Damn.

"I just need to adjust the dosage a bit that's all."

Ianto froze and pulled away from Jack. He was furious.

"Jack Harkness you even think about doing that again and you are moving in with Janet!"

"I'd prefer Myfanwy."

Ianto huffed out a breath. "You are insufferable! Am I really so bad in bed that you have to resort to such...methods?!"

Jack baulked. "What? No! I just thought....."

"What? Do you have any idea how much pain I was in for almost all of yesterday? I nearly called an ambulance Jack....Did call Owen and now the girls think I've got something wrong in THAT department and Owen is going to be teasing me into the next millennia!" His pale face was now red. "I spent half of yesterday sitting in the bath with a bunch of ice cubes!" The volume went up.

Jack was trying his hardest to look chastised but it just wouldn't happen.

"Ianto I..."

"What? You're sorry! You will be. I mean it."

Jack shifted from one foot to the other. "How can I make it up to you?" He cautiously reached out his hand to grasp at Ianto's and fluttered his eyelashes in a gesture he'd picked up from Gwen. Ianto sagged his shoulders and gripped Jack's fingers.

"Tell me that you and I aren't all about sex."

Their eyes met and Jack swallowed somewhat guiltily. He pulled Ianto into a tight embrace and carded his fingers through his hair, breathing him in.

"Ianto Jones, I love you, and we are not all about sex, as you put it. Though I have to confess it is one of my favourite bits. I'm sorry about yesterday. I had no idea that THAT would happen. It's actually supposed to be a relaxant. I was trying to get you to chill a bit, you've been so stressed and worried about Owen."

Ianto leant his cheek on Jack's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Next time, stick to massaging me, you're good at that. I like that, a lot." He mumbled feeling comforted.

Jack smiled. "You weren't serious about the dog were you?"


End file.
